Friday, May 12, 2006

Bleak on a Beautiful Day

Tired. So tired. I thought I would be on the rebound by now. Hard work always used to get easier, and in a way I think it is. I just did some digging in the hot sun without much trouble, but I come in to rest and just want to sink flat. I don't think I could get flat enough; something would still feel tired.

I don't think this comes from the work.

I think it's a head-to-toe heartache.

If only I could put my finger on the why.

My seedlings aren't growing. I know that's not it, but I don't want to look at anything else, or I'll wander off into the dark forest and down the black valley and into the tunneling vortex of despair, and have to wait for the magic of weeping and sleeping to fix it.

Why aren't my seedlings growing?


Madcap said...

Are your seedlings "metaphoring" for something else? Funny how sometimes the outward circumstances seem to be acting out for us something that needs tending inside.

All my best. Hope you're getting a good sleep tonight.

arcolaura said...

Ah. Could be some of that. Mostly I think they just got too cold for too long. I've been struggling with keeping the heater set right - they're in the porch of a cold house, and well-meaning people keep trying to help me save energy by unplugging the heater during the day.

Had a good sleep, mum, and the sunshine seems sweeter this morning. Thanks.

CG said...

I think it is hormonal. Your sadness, not your seedlings. At least I blame my things that are like "this is making me cry and I KNOW it is not THIS I'm crying about" on. Loved your description of it.