He's not my cat.

Kids, if you insist on keeping him(1), then I insist on these conditions:
1. There will be no ingestible toys, ornaments, or other knicknacks left lying around our living areas. Ever. Period.(2)
2. When we are away, you will arrange and pay for a cat sitter to come in and dole his food out in small portions(3), not less than twice a day. Can't arrange that? We stay home.
3. Paper towels come out of your allowance. Unless you'd prefer to launder rags, and not in a small extra load, either. Save water, do them in with your clothes. Got that? YOUR clothes.

Am I being mean? Well, I suppose I could just walk in, look at the floor, and walk out again. Go stay with Mom and Dad until the kids get home and do the cleanup themselves. Yes, I know, Ruth, you did the cleanup once. I prefer not to remember such tasks, let alone count the number of times I do them, but I'm sure I'm way up on you.

Ah, well. I don't think the kids read my blog, and by the time they get home, well, I might not say anything. Like I said, I prefer not to remember such tasks.

Happy New Year everyone!

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Notes:
(1) The link is intended to refer to the creature in the illustration, not to the guy discussed in the text of the post. Him I'll keep, even if I do have to clean up after him sometimes.

(2) For you animal rights folks: we'll be going to the vet next week to rule out any unsuspected causes, or any lasting damage from the attempt to digest a Lego wheel.

(3) Umm, Dad, if he hasn't eaten in a while, give him just a little to tide him over. How do I know it was you? Mom wouldn't leave her muddy tracks across the kitchen. Unless that was me before I left? Like father, like daughter. . .